Phobias

The word "phobia" according to all-knowing Wikipedia, is a word of Greek origin that is used to describe "an intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, animals, or people". Also included in the article is a link to an impressive list of phobias, which I perused just to see if there are actually words for some of the irrational fears that I have. These aren't crippling fears, mind you. They don't prevent me from functioning as a (semi) normal and stable person. These fears fall somewhere between mere pet peeves and outright phobias. To my surprise, however, it seems that the list of existing phobias (or at least the one on Wikipedia) fails to include some of mine. So, as a service to the English language and slightly obsessive people everywhere, I've decided to put names to my fears. Perhaps this will be of some help to others suffering from similar anxieties.

Mimeoelvisophobia: Fear of Elvis impersonators. I don't have a problem with Elvis Presley himself, and I'm indifferent to his music, but I absolutely loathe Elvis impersonators - even Elvis Halloween costumes. I hate it when they pop up in commercials, as bit parts in TV shows, and in person - even if I happen to be in Las Vegas, which is practically their native habitat. Some people hate clowns (coulrophobia). I hate Elvis impersonators.

Flotsamendentiphobia: Fear of crap getting stuck in your teeth. Especially popcorn kernals, but let's not forget things like whatever orange substance makes up the filling of a Butterfinger candy bar, or tiny pieces of beef jerky. This one is especially irritating, because once you're aware that something may be stuck in your teeth, it's all you can think about.

Digitaudiophobia: Fear of the awful sound you hear when a digital sound file skips and gets stuck. I shudder every time this happens. It's just as bad a nails on a chalkboard, or the sound of Styrofoam rubbing against Styrofoam.

Querybibliophobia: Fear of some random person (or someone you don't feel like talking to) coming up to you and asking "What are you reading?" inevitably followed by "Oh. What's it about?" It's about 500 pages, and available at Barnes and Noble for $7.99 plus tax. Now leave me alone.

Postcinematophobia: The fear that drives you to check behind all of your doors, under your bed, and turn on all the lights in your apartment after watching an unsettling or downright terrifying movie.

I hope this helps, my fellow slightly obsessive word nerds. When there's no words to express yourself, feel free to make some up.