Head Explosion in 3...2...1...

When I first moved out of my parents' house and lived with one of my best friends, we came up with a very prestigious title - "Moron of the Day" - that we would award to someone else during the day. Usually, this person was a complete stranger: someone who pulled a bone-headed move in their car, the person in the front of the ticket line at the movie theatre who asked "What time is your seven o'clock show?", the creepy man with three long hanks of hair carefully combed over the top of his head (clearly he'd deluded himself into thinking that he still had a "bald spot", when in fact his hair had nearly escaped his head entirely). Of course we would assign the "Moron of the Day" award discreetly - we're not animals, and our intention was not to hurt anybody's feelings. It was a way for us to have a giggle and poke a small amount of fun at someone we'd caught in the act of being stupid.

In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that as a fallible human being, I also sometimes do stupid things. Please - hold your gasps of disbelief! It's true. I remember with shame the time that I ruined my step-father's birthday present by being unable to control my big mouth. I once came out of the grocery store and spent a frustrated minute or so trying to figure out why I couldn't get the car door unlocked, then realized that the car I was attempting to open was not my car. In my defense, it was exactly the same make, model, and color, and only two parking spaces away from mine. The point is that I know that we all do stupid things sometimes.

That being said, there are some kinds of stupidity that I cannot forgive - acts of such monumental idiocy that there's no way I can comfortably brush it off as normal human frailty. Things so incredibly dumb that I think my head may explode a la Scanners:
(To reassure some of my more sensitive readers - this is fake. This is not an actual human head exploding. Picture = not real. Moving on.)

The most recent things that have caused me to worry about my brain suddenly becoming part of the wall are these:

Paris Hilton's British Best Friend:

I've kinda-sorta-almost-if-I-don't-think-too-much-about-it come to terms with my distaste of Paris Hilton as a horrible human being, but I experience almost blinding flashes of rage when I see things that publicly cater to her stupid, spoiled lifestyle - like this new reality TV show that chronicles Paris' search for a British best friend - someone willing to hang on her every word, go with her to parties, be physically attractive - but not more so than Paris! A "pet", as Paris so eloquently puts it in previews for the show. How sad these people are, to buy into the idea that the lifestyle of this terrible person is worthy of envy and imitation. How sad that these people don't seem to have any greater ambition than becoming a sycophant. How sad that this show is on the TV Guide channel, forcing me to become exposed to it if I should ever need to check program schedules.

The Twilight Series (I refuse to call it a "saga"):

Look, I am the last person to disregard fun, fluffy reads. I have quite a few guilty pleasures that I like to return to whenever I'm feeling stressed or need to wind down. I'll even admit them to you: The Hardy Boys, the Misty of Chincoteague books, Where the Red Fern Grows, and the Bruce Coville series of My Teacher Fried My Brain books. Childish? Yes. Thought-provoking? Not even a little bit, except maybe Where the Red Fern Grows - which causes me to bawl like a baby when (spoiler alert) the boy's dogs die. So I get it - it's nice to read things that don't require a lot of intellectual investment. But the Twilight series is awful, and here's why: the main character is a whiny, selfish, narcissistic tease. Her greatest desire is to remain in her late teens forever, her relationship with her vanilla vampire love interest based on nothing more than his primal attraction to her blood and her vapid obsession with him. This vampire is also controlling and borderline abusive - maybe not in a physical sense, but definitely an emotional one. And she strings along her back-up romantic interest, a werewolf, by sending him all kinds of mixed signals and generally being a horrible, selfish person. And yet somehow, this relationship has suddenly been lusted after by an entire generation of young women - perceived as some kind of "ideal". But please consider this: all of the conflicts/problems in the entire series are caused by Bella and Edward's selfish actions. They make no real sacrifices for anyone else's benefit. They do not work on their relationship - or anything, it seems. Everything falls into place for them, and the reward seems to be a child that requires no time or sacrifice to raise, and many beautiful and expensive material posessions. Gag.

The Tea Party Tax Day Protests:

I love the First Amendment. I believe that there's a reason that freedom of speech, a free press, and religious freedom is so important that it was first in the Bill of Rights. I'm glad that people can say whatever they want. It encourages discussion, and is healthy for democracy. However, just as people are free to express their beliefs, I am free to make fun of them if I think they're stupid. I understand that not everyone is happy about our new president or his policy decisions, but to declare the income tax "unconstitutional" is downright idiotic. To bemoan the fact that almost half of our country does not pay any federal income tax while completely disregarding the fact that these people have low incomes and pay payroll and sales taxes at miniumum is extremely selective. All of the nice things we have in this country - interstate highways, national parks, libraries, emergency response services, to name a few - things that I think many Americans would consider "rights", are paid for with tax money. This stuff - our freedoms and services - it costs money. Being a citizen of this country, I understand that it is my patriotic duty to contribute part of the money I earn to enjoy the benefits of these things. And yes - I don't always agree that taxpayer money is spent wisely, but that's why we have the right to vote. In short, I'm very confused as to why some people are willing to pay for an idea with blood (ideally, someone else's), but not with money.