Last night's episode of Supernatural, "The French Mistake", chronicled the Winchesters' foray into an alternate universe (which we should probably call the "meta-verse") in which they are actors called Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki who star in a TV show called Supernatural. Now, to anyone who's not already a fan of the show, that plot might seem like a massive one-hour exercise in self-gratification for its creators, actors, and crew. But I was optimistic, because previous meta episodes have actually been quite good, and were also well-integrated into the overall plot of their respective seasons. How did this one measure up? Let's find out, shall we?
SPOILERS!
It begins on a dark and stormy night - really. Sam and Dean are in Bobby's library, discussing the weather and the fact that Bobby has gone out to get supplies (we're guessing alcohol of some kind). In a flash of lightning, Balthazar appears and starts rushing around, rifling through Bobby's things and muttering about ingredients for some kind of angel spell. The Winchesters can't really get anything out of him but ramblings about The Godfather, and about how Rafael is finally making his move against Castiel (who is apparently deep underground), and everyone who's ever helped him. Ergo, Balthazar and the Winchesters. At this point, we wondered about Bobby, but apparently he was safe as he was not in the scene, or mentioned at all. Balthazar uses lamb's blood and the crumbled bone of a saint to paint a strange symbol on Bobby's window, and gives Sam what looks like a locker key. A new, grim-looking angel appears (later we learned his name was Virgil, but we didn't catch it at this point) and throws Balthazar against the wall. Balthazar yells at Sam and Dean to run, and uses his angel mojo to fling them through the window. The brothers land on a stunt pad amid pieces of stage glass, and the director (Robert Singer) yells "Cut!" and compliments them on their scene.
Sam and Dean look at each other in confusion - what's going on? Why are they being addressed as "Jared" and "Jensen"? Dean is rushed off to make-up and Jared is flung into a chair and interviewed about the TV show. The two of them meet up later, after Dean is traumatized by the fact that he'd been wearing make-up - oh noes! Apparently they'd both rather face an angelic hitman rather than face that again, so they hold a small prayer meeting to get in touch with Castiel. Further down on the studio lot, they see a familiar figure in a trenchcoat and run towards him, demanding to know what the hell is going on. We (the audience) know immediately that this is Misha Collins, but Misha thinks that the Winchesters are trying to run lines with him. He replies as Castiel, using lines from the script (this is where we find out that the key Balthazar gave them is the key to where he's hidden the Heavenly weapons). Soon Sam and Dean realize that this person isn't Cas, and proceed to make fun of his name in disgust. Misha forces a laugh, thinking that they played a joke on him, and immediately Tweets about it. He Tweets the phrases "Mishamigos" and "J-squared", which was both a little amusing and a lot horrfying (I'm not one for teh Twitter).
Sam and Dean go into Jensen's trailer, where they discover an awesome toy helicopter, a salt-water aquarium, and a computer, which Sam uses to do a search (NOT with Google!) on their new names. They find out about Jensen's time on a soap opera. Dean is flabbergasted and insists that they try to use the same spell Balthazar cast to get back to their own universe. Here, monsters and demons and magic aren't real. There are no hunters. There was no almost-Apocalypse. They try to leave the lot in the Impala, which is one of many stunt cars and runs terribly. A skinny PA runs after them, begging them not to steal the props, and they get a ride from a guy named Carl or Cliff or something. They discover that they're not even in the U.S. anymore - apparently the show is filmed in Canada.
They are dropped off at Jared's house, where they find an alpaca in the backyard, some truly frightening examples of massively narcissistic art, and Jared's wife - the woman who played the demon Ruby in season four. She's off to go to an "otter-adoption" charity event, and Sam and Dean use the power of Jared and Jensen's credit cards to order some saint's bones off of the internet. They have Carl or Cliff drive them to the airport the next morning to accept the shipment, and head to the studio so that they can use the same set to cast the spell. Unfortunately, the director gets them to work before they can cast it, and what follows is a hilarious montage of Jensen Ackles acting like Dean acting like "Jensen Ackles" acting like "Dean", and Jared Padalecki acting like Sam trying like hell to even act. Misha is also in the scene, and his expressions of impatience and frustration are very amusing. During a break, he overhears Sam and Dean discussing their importing of human remains and Tweets that it's some sort of black-market organ or drug thing.
Sam and Dean finally get to cast the spell, and leap through the exact same set window that brought them to the meta-verse in the first place. It doesn't work. Frustrated, they start roaming around - maybe since there's no magic in this meta-verse, the spell won't work from this side. At this point, they notice Virgil skulking around set and immediately set upon him - he's powerless in this meta-verse as well. Virgil gets the key in the struggle. The stunt coordinator and a few of his guys break up the fight, which spurs a conference call between the director and some other guys with Sera Gamble, the current show-runner. This part was really strange.
Later, Misha leaves his trailer to go home, being very rude in passing to the poor skinny PA, and gets into his car. He Tweets, "Did you ever have that feeling that there's someone in the back of your car?" and then Virgil puts a knife to his throat. Misha bursts into tears. We're pretty sure that Virgil was asking him where Sam and Dean were, but whatever the case he forces Misha to drive to some alley somewhere. There, he slits his throat and uses his blood to communicate with Rafael. A homeless man overhears this conversation and lets the Winchesters know (when they show up later) that Rafael will pull Virgil back into their universe in the morning. They plan to intercept him and get the key back before it can get into Rafael's hands (this is the only point in the episode where they exhibit any concern for the real Cas). Unfortunately for them, Virgil is compensating for his lack of power by arming himself Terminator-style, stealing a pump-action shotgun and a handgun from a local store.
The next morning, Eric Kripke rolls in for damage control. He exchanges some insincere "Isn't it awful about Misha?" with Robert Singer, and is excited about working on his current project "Octo-Cobra". Virgil appears, and Kripke approaches him, glad for the chance to resolve the fight-situation. Virgil blows him away, as well as Singer and a few other people. At the set, Sam and Dean ambush him and manage to get the key (I think they may have killed Virgil, too, but I can't remember). All of a sudden, they start to feel Rafael's pull, but it's too late to escape, and the two of them are flung back into their own universe. There, they see Rafael, who has found a new female vessel. Dean taunts him about this, saying "Dude looks like a lady." Rafael's not amused (though we really were!), starts hurting them with his angel powers, and retrieves the key from Sam. Balthazar appears and interrupts him, saying that the key is useless. He needed time to find where the weapons really were, and so sent the Winchesters to the meta-verse not for protection, but as a diversion. The brothers are skeeved. Rafael is too, and prepares to blast Balthazar into oblivion. He's saved by Castiel, who appears like a badass and tells Rafael that he now has the weapons, and the archangel had better skedaddle if he wants to keep on living.
Cas and Balthazar exchange a nod, and Cas takes the Winchesters back to Bobby's. They demand to know what's going on, and why Balthazar used them like that. Cas says that sure, it was Balthazar's idea, but he would have done the same thing. Sam and Dean aren't happy about this, but Cas again tells them that if he loses the war in Heaven, then everyone loses. Everything. They want more details, but Cas vanishes. Sam and Dean have their post-adventure talk, and Dean asks Sam whether he regrets not staying in the meta-verse. Sam says that he doesn't regret it at all, because the two of them aren't even brothers in the meta-verse, and "at least we're talking."
Let us gather our thoughts:
You know when a good friend invites you to dinner with a few more of his/her other friends? You know, in a vague sense, who they are, but you don't know them well at all, and some of them you haven't even met before. So dinner is going well, and the conversation is interesting and engaging for most of the time. But then the conversation turns to "Hey, do you guys remember the time that we did that thing? Remember that guy we met? Remember the stuff that happened? That was hilarious!" And you laugh along with the others, because you can see that it really would be hilarious if you knew what the hell was going on. And on the inside, you feel a little lonely and left out, because no one takes pity on you to either steer the conversation back to familiar ground or at least try to provide an explanation?
That's what it felt like, watching this episode. In previous meta-episodes, like "The Monster at the End of This Book" or "Changing Channels", there were some interesting ideas being explored - like prophecy and fate versus free will. In "The French Mistake" there was only what seemed like a half-hearted conversation between Dean and Singer, about how "you can't make up your own words" or something, and that Dean and Sam mean something to their own universe, even if their lives are crap. If that's what the writers were going for, it just didn't come across as clearly as in previous meta-episodes.
Okay, Supernatural writers. I'm a reasonable person, and I think I've been pretty damn patient for this entire season. At what point are we going to have another episode with real Cas? I'll grant you that Misha had a big part in this episode, but it was Misha, not Cas. At this point I feel driven to do the math, which shouldn't surprise you, as I am a nerd. Observe:
Castiel has been present in six out of fifteen episodes, which is only 40% of the episodes so far this season. But wait! In four of those episodes, his total screen time was for fifteen minutes or less (and fifteen is being generous). So, assuming that each episode is 45 minutes (taking commercial breaks into account), Cas has only had approximately 102 minutes of screen time out of 675 minutes total of season six. That works out to be 15% of season six. 15%! And this math even includes his screen time in "Caged Heat", which I still loathe with a passion and try to pretend never happened. What the hell, writers? Is a freaking Civil War in Heaven not interesting enough to you to give the character a little more time?! Look, I realize that he's not an easy character to use, as evidenced by his "I'm going to find God" thing in season five. But at least he was showing up pretty regularly! I find it extremely disappointing to see Misha Collins' name in the opening credits and know that I'm probably not going to see his freaking character! In the same vein, having scenes take place in Bobby's house and never getting to see Bobby is rude. I hope you do better next time.
Next Week:
The Winchesters and Bobby meet up with Grampa Sam to hunt monsters. Rufus is there, too. Is the moment we've been waiting for regarding a Winchester vs. Campbell smackdown?
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