In Which I Declare My Love for Stephen Colbert

This post is more of an official declaration than a surprise announcement. I've always loved Stephen Colbert. I loved him on The Daily Show, especially when he did the segment "Even Stephven" with Steve Carell. I've watched his show, The Colbert Report, since it debuted back in 2005. I love him because of his shameless nerdiness and apparently genuine desire to use any influence he has for good causes. I know that it's not all due to Stephen Colbert the individual, and that equal credit must go to the show's writers and crew for making it a much-needed thirty-minute respite from real news. But this week, Stephen was on fire - delivering his faux-conservative commentary with such caustic wit that I was helpless against it. And this particular gem - the one that inspired this post - left me in tears of hysterical laughter on my living room floor. This is what Stephen had to say about Mika Brzezinski's reluctance to treat Sarah Palin's appearance on Hannity as news. The video can be viewed here, because I can't figure out how or if I can post it.

(Update: No worries, I figured it out! I win again, Google Blogger!)

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Mika Brzezinski Experiences Palin Fatigue
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

And here is the transcript of the relevant monologue, because it's absolutely worth typing out:

"(Whistles, after viewing the clip) Tough to watch, even more than usual. Clearly, Mika is experiencing what journo-psychologists call 'Palin fatigue'. Looks like her cup of 'Morning Joe' needs an extra shot of 'Midnight Me-spresso'. Over here (pointing to another camera angle)."

"Mika, you need to buck up. I know you think this story has no purpose other than keeping Sarah Palin's name in the headlines for another news cycle. I know you think she has nothing to offer the national dialogue and that her speeches are just coded talking points mixed in with words picked at random from a thesaurus. I know you think Sarah Palin is at best a self-promoting ignoramus, and at worst a shameless media troll who'll abuse any platform to deliver dog-whistle encouragement to a far-right base that may include possible insurrectionists. I know you think her reality show was pathetically un-statesmanlike and at the same time I know you believe it also represents the pinnacle of her potential. And that her transparent desperation to be a celebrity so completely eclipsed her interest in public service so long ago that there would be more journalistic integrity in reporting on one of the lesser Kardashian's ass implants."

"Now, I know, I know that when you arrive at the office each day you say a silent prayer that maybe, just maybe, Sarah Palin will at long last shut up for ten fucking minutes. I know because I can see it in your eyes. Well, guess what, Mika - that's the gig. And it's only January of 2011, kiddo, and you have a minimum of two more years of this ahead of you. You want to stay in this game? You dig deep! You find another gear! You show up to work every day, get your hair and make-up done, you slap on a smile, get out there on TV and repeat what Sarah Palin said on 'Hannity' last night right into the lens! You know, 'news'. I have faith in you, kid. You can do it. I'll see you in New Hampshire - I'll buy. (Thunderous applause) Folks, she has got to grow a pair."

Nothing could more accurately sum up my own personal feelings of loathing and disgust for Sarah Palin's tiresome efforts to make herself the victim of persecution in the wake of a national tragedy that produced plenty of real victims. Whether or not you believe the criticism of the nature and quality of Sarah Palin's rhetoric (or "pandering", as I like to call it) is justified, I hope that we can all agree that the people most deserving of our care and sympathy at this time are the victims of the shooting in Arizona, and their families. Sarah Palin was not one of them (thankfully - as much as I dislike her, I've never wished her dead, and absolutely no one deserved to die at the SafeWay that day), and yet she's still attempting to make it all about her. So what if she's responding to criticism that connected her with the tragic event in the first place? Suck it up, Sarah - that's life. People say things that are unfair. That's the nature of "freedom of speech" - you are free to say whatever the hell you want, people are free to criticize you for it, and vice versa. In this case, however, I think you should display a little self-awareness and poise out of respect for those who were wounded or killed, and bow out of this "controversy" with whatever grace you may possess. Let's face it - if this experience is the worst thing that ever happens to you in your entire life, you'd still be better off than many, many other people in this world.