Observations

The littlest things are the most interesting. It's all about noticing things. That's what stand-up comics do for a living. The reason why the really good comics are so funny is because they are speaking the truth - or at least a part of it, anyway. It's a fact that the things that make you feel the most - the angriest, the happiest, the saddest - are the things you know are true. Here are some small observations that I have found to be true:

There is an inverse relationship between penis/brain size and how "pimped" his ride is.

No matter how weird you think your family is, they can always get weirder.

Futons may sound like a good idea, but your butt wears out long before you get your money's worth. In a related observation, leather or vinyl furniture is never a good idea! They are cold to the touch during the winter, and act like an adhesive during the summer.

Time is relative. An entire lunch hour may seem to go by in 20 minutes, while the span of time between 4:40 pm and 5:00 pm seems like an hour.

A car is not a cloak of invisibility. Even though you may be alone in your car, people can still see you when you pick your nose.

Hot dogs are not food. If you don't know for sure what it's made of, DON'T EAT IT! (Neither is baloney.) (You may know what Sloppy Joes are made of, but don't eat them either. They're just gross.)

There is never a good time to do laundry.

Always chew tortilla chips thoroughly. They have sharp edges.

There is nothing amusing about people bringing out the worst in themselves and others. I'm looking at you, reality TV!

Nothing looks so appetizing as when you tell yourself you can't have it.

At 3:00 am, the Wonder Broom really is amazing.

There is always something that you don't know. Never assume anything.

Speaking loudly will not help a non-English speaker to understand you. Saying "el" and adding "-o" to the end of every word does not mean you're speaking Spanish.

So those are some random observations. I invite you to make your own - why are things the way they are? Find out!